Karmic Justice
by EGB Fan
Summary: A story set in the near future, where attitudes towards life and love aren't getting any better, and someone's not happy about it.


**Disclaimer: **_Ghostbusters _and _Extreme Ghostbusters © _Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Fil Barlow and Columbia Pictures. Eric Stantz © Fritz Baugh. All other original characters in this story were created by me.

**A/N:** Again, I warn you that not very many canonical characters appear in this story. I've been writing a lot in the future just lately. If this doesn't interest you,you are advised tostop reading now.

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**Karmic Justice**

**June 2026**

Oscar Venkman was sitting across the full length of one of the sofas in his oversized living room, and talking to his sister on the phone. It was late morning for him, and afternoon for her.

"Why did you ask about her before any of _us_?" Jessica Venkman asked baldly.

"Sorry," said Oscar. "How are my nephews?"

"Well, Robbie's not happy about me trying to wean him off the breast, and Tom's found himself a girlfriend."

"He hasn't, has he?"

"Oh yes he has. She came over last week and I caught them kissing in the bathroom."

"What, properly?" said Oscar, faintly horrified. Tom was two.

"No, not properly," said Jessica. "It wasn't any different than how he kisses _me_."

"Oh, okay then - it's kinda cute, in that case. How are Mom and Dad?"

"They're cool."

"How's Hayden?"

"Still managing to hold my attention."

"How are you?"

"I'm shopping around for another house."

"What, a fixer-upper?" asked Oscar.

"Of course a fixer-upper. I only bought this one three years ago - why would I want to live in another one?"

"All right, calm down, I was just checking."

"If I can ever get Robbie to drink out of a bottle, I'll be able to take my breasts wherever I like, which will be nice," said Jessica. "So I figure I might as well make some money."

"Well, why not?" said Oscar. "So how's Conchita?"

"Well I haven't seen her lately."

"Oh."

"But I've heard on the grapevine that she's split up with Dennis."

Oscar, who had been leaning back comfortably on the arm of the couch, sat bolt upright. "She's _what_?"

"Calm down."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"But I thought they were getting _married_!"

"I believe that was in their long-term plans, yes."

"But that's…"

"What?"

"Oh, I don't know. It seems like a… a strange time."

"Well Oscar, if they weren't happy together then - "

"I know, I know," said Oscar, not in the mood for a lecture. "Has she had the baby yet?"

"Not the last I heard."

"When's it due?"

"I don't know, Oscar, I'm not her midwife."

"So has one of them moved out, or -?"

"Oscar," said Jessica. "I do not. Know. Why don't you ask _her_?"

"Yeah, right, I will."

"Oscar."

"What?"

"No matter what you find out," Jessica said slowly, "don't offer her any money."

"I won't."

"Because you know what poor people are like - they get offended if you offer them a lick of your ice cream cone."

"Well." Oscar glanced up at the ceiling. "Not all of them do."

"Oscar, just _don't_, okay?"

"I already said I won't."

"Right. Good. Oh shit, Robbie's crying," Jessica said distractedly. "I have to go."

"Oh, okay," said Oscar. "Bye."

He hung up, stared numbly at the phone for a very long time and then was jolted back to the real world when he heard "Oscaaaaaar?" drifting in whiney tones down the stairs.

"Yeah, babe?" he called.

"Can you get me a cup of coffee?"

"Sure."

He got up, made his way into the kitchen and found that goddamn orange demon sitting at his table, its ears just visible above the pine surface.

"I thought you'd gone," Oscar said, in the tones of a jilted but hardened lover.

"I came back."

"Look, buddy, this isn't a hotel. Can you either stay or leave for good?"

"Stay?" The demon craned its neck, bringing part of its face into view, and raised its eyebrows. "I thought you didn't like me."

"I don't, but I've kinda gotten used to you."

"Making coffee, are you?"

"Yep," said Oscar, as he filled the kettle.

"Instant, is it? Well well."

"She likes it."

"Not your usual high maintenance lady friend, then."

"Well to tell you the truth," said Oscar, "I didn't exactly _mean_ to sleep with her."

"No, I thought you didn't," said the demon. "Why did you?"

"I don't know. She wouldn't take no for an answer."

"What if you slept with _every_ woman who wouldn't take no for an answer?"

"Well," said Oscar, "I'd probably be dead by now."

"Like a rat."

"What?"

"Male rats die of too much sex. They just go around climbing on top of all the females and screwing them until they die."

"That sounds like a pretty good life to me." Oscar sat down next to the demon as he waited for the kettle to boil. "Eat, sleep, scratch yourself and have sex until you die."

"Wow," the demon said coolly. "Things must be pretty bad for you if you're wishing you were a rat."

"I'm fine," Oscar said irritably.

"Really? Then why am _I_ here?"

"Oh please, don't start all your cryptic riddle talk."

The demon shrugged. "Suit yourself. Shall we talk about _el chica Latino_?"

"What, Conchita?"

"_Si_."

"Well," said Oscar, "unless you can tell me something I don't know about this whole Dennis thing, I don't see what there is to talk about."

The kettle boiled. He stood up and pulled a jar of instant coffee from a high cupboard.

"You're thinking about rushing off to see her, aren't you?" said the demon.

"Yes. I don't know why I even live here - all my family and friends are in New York."

"It's because you spent all of your teenage years saying you were going to go back to LA, and now even at the age of thirty-eight and a half you're still too proud to change that."

Oscar turned and narrowed his eyes on the demon. "I am _not_ thirty-eight and a half."

"No, sorry, you're right, it's about another three months. We'll have a little party to celebrate - you, me and the gold-digging whore up there. My point is, are you absolutely sure you're not in love with her?"

"Who, Mira?"

The demon blinked. "Who?"

"The woman upstairs."

"Oh. No, even _you_ know you're not in love with _her_. I mean Conchita."

"Oh don't be ridiculous," said Oscar, turning back to Mira's coffee. "Dennis thought that too, apparently even as he was impregnating her."

"Then maybe there's some truth in it," the demon said levelly.

"I like her."

"Of course."

"She's my friend."

"And she's hot."

"She's twenty-five."

"Yeah?" said the demon. "And how old is your fuck buddy in New York… what's her name?"

"Natalie," said Oscar. "She's twenty-six. And a half."

"And Mira?"

"Who?"

"The woman upstairs."

"Oh. Well, she's about twenty-…"

"Yes?"

"Three - look, why do you think I don't know who I'm in love with?"

"Well, okay, maybe it's not _romantic_ love," said the demon. "But you feel protective of her, don't you?"

"Yes. I've never pretended not to."

"Okay, so why? Why not her sister or that blond girl or Jessica's friend Charlene or -?"

"Oh, please - I'm supposed to be taking this coffee to Mira. Why does it _matter_?"

"Well, maybe your _special relationship_ with Dimples is what split up her and Dennis."

Oscar furrowed his brow, but said calmly, "If it is, then that's _his_ problem."

"I thought you wanted those two together."

"Ah," Oscar said smugly. "Then I can't be in love with her, can I?"

"If you truly love something," the demon said sagely, "you can let it go."

"Oh, stop it," said Oscar. "I'm more in love with Danny than I am with her."

"Oh!" At that, the demon perked up. "So you _are_ in love with Danny?"

"If it'll get you off my back about Conchita then yes, I'm desperately in love with him and I have rampant sexual fantasies about him every night."

"Oh don't be so childish, Oscar Wilhelm Wallance Venkman," the demon scolded.

Oscar sighed heavily. "This coffee is losing heat as we speak. What would you like me to say?"

"I just want a satisfactory answer about Conchita."

"I want her to be happy."

"More than you want anyone _else_ to be happy?" asked the demon. "Why?"

"Because of all people, she should get her karmic justice," said Oscar. "She's a really sweet girl and she's helped _me_ through some pretty tough times, and if I can see her happy I'll know there's some justice in this shitty world. Okay?"

"You used to be _such_ an optimistic kid," the demon said sadly.

"If you're gone when I get back," said Oscar, heading for the door, "just please stay away, okay? Otherwise you can make yourself up a bed in one of the spare rooms. There's sheets in the linen closet."

"Yeah, I know, I use it as my toilet."

"_What_?"

"Kidding."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Oscar flew to New York the next day. He had a New York car (a sister extravagance to his Los Angeles car), which his parents allowed him to keep in their garage. He surprised his mother and stepfather by just turning up, and then suggested that he drive them all over to Jessica's house, as he thought it would be good manners to spend some time with his family before he went and interrogated a pregnant young woman he wasn't in the slightest bit related to.

Then he called Conchita on his cell phone from the top of Jessica's stairs. "Could I maybe come see you? I'm trying to spend time with my family, but Mom's playing with Robbie and Dad's playing with Tom and Jess is on the phone to some real estate agent." (As it was the middle of the week, Hayden was at work. The large number of people at home had either the luxury of being below school age, retired, self-employed women on maternity leave or a rock star not urgently planning any tours or albums at that time.)

"Sure, come on over," Conchita said affably. "I'm staying at my mom and dad's."

"Right, yeah - I heard about Dennis."

"Oh you did, huh? You wouldn't be coming over here to quiz me about it, would you?"

"Chita, how can you even _think_ that?" Oscar said innocently.

"All right, if you say so. I'll see you in a bit."

When Oscar went back downstairs, Jessica had got off the phone and was handing her mother a milk-filled baby bottle.

"Now Robbie," Jessica said firmly, to the seven-month-old baby in Dana Venkman's arms. "You are going to _have_ to learn to like this, because Mommy just bought a _very_ expensive house, and the sooner she starts working on it the more money she'll make."

"How _much_ money?" Tom asked eagerly.

"You bought one already?" asked Oscar.

"It was a bargain - I couldn't just let it go," said Jessica. Then to Tom she said, "I don't know yet, sweetie - I'll have to start budgeting."

"Look, I'm gonna take off now," said Oscar.

Dana didn't seem to care, or even hear, as she was busy trying to persuade Robbie to take the bottle. But Tom looked put out, and Peter said, "You just got here."

"Yeah, well, you'll see me tonight," said Oscar. "I need to see…"

"Conchita," Jessica finished for him, the way she said it pretty much qualifying his reluctance to admit where he was going.

"Well… yes."

There was nothing wrong with going to see a friend - Oscar knew that. But he could see that it might look a little strange, him first asking after Conchita so eagerly on the phone, and then rushing off to see her when he'd only been in the state for an hour.

"She's fine," said Jessica.

"I want to see her."

"When are you coming back?" Tom asked forlornly.

Touched, Oscar pulled his nephew into a rough back-to-knees hug and said, "When I've had time to buy your present."

"Oh." He brightened instantly. "Okay."

Jessica saw Oscar to the door, saying quietly, "Do you have to buy them presents _every_ time you visit?"

"Oh, come on - it's no more than Grandpa Charlie did for us."

"Yeah, and now look at us - we're completely spoilt."

"Speak for yourself."

"I spoke to her yesterday - she really is fine."

"You can't tell me she's not upset," said Oscar. "She's _got_ to be."

"Well," said Jessica, "what if she is? She's got Mommy and Daddy licking her wounds."

"Why did _she_ move out, anyway? She's the pregnant one - Dennis should have - "

"Oh, for God's sake - go, go and see her, then maybe you'll stop asking _me_ all this stuff."

"Bye, then," said Oscar.

"Just remember to come and take Mom and Dad away before the end of the day."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Not very long ago, Jessica had said of Conchita, "She's _massively_ pregnant and she looks fucking incredible - it makes me sick."

She did look pretty good, Oscar noticed, and he knew why: she was just emanating happiness. She was doing what pregnant women were supposed to do, and _glowing_. She certainly didn't look like someone who had recently split up from the father of her child.

"Sorry about all the mess," she said, as she led Oscar into her parents' living room. "Just clear yourself a space. What can I get you to drink?"

The only scrap of space in the room was being occupied by Iago, an elderly tabby cat (Oscar rather envied him sometimes; he was very overweight and simply didn't care). The whole room was filled with strange materials Oscar didn't recognise, but he figured out what they were for when he found a box of homemade bracelets and earrings on the sofa. He moved the box, helped himself to a seat and noticed it wasn't just jewellery she had been making; she'd apparently branched out into picture frames and crockery as well.

"You've been busy, haven't you?" said Oscar, when Conchita brought in a mug of coffee for him and some weird hippie herbal drink she thought was good for her baby.

"I've been making about six months' worth of stock," she said. "I won't have time after the baby's born, and I want to go back to work as soon as it can support its own head."

"Oh, right."

"Well, I mean I want to _try_. We'll see how it goes."

"Jessica's going back to work," said Oscar, because it seemed relevant.

"That doesn't surprise me. What's Robbie now - seven months?"

"Yeah."

"I bet _she_ hasn't got people crawling all over her back telling her it's _too soon_ and she'll _never cope_."

"Probably not," said Oscar, not used to hearing Conchita sounding bitter. "What, um… what'll you do with the baby?"

"Take it with me."

"Oh!"

"I _know_ it might not work out," Conchita said defensively. "But it's got to be worth a try. I mean, I work for myself in the middle of the street - there's nothing to stop me. I bet Jess would take Robbie with her if building sites were very much _safer_ than they are."

"Um…"

"Anyway, I have to earn a living."

"Absolutely," said Oscar. "Maybe you'll get lucky - it might be a sleeper."

"I hope so."

He was so desperate to ask about Dennis, but he knew it was none of his business. She'd looked worried when she mentioned earning a living, and he wanted to ask about that too, but he remembered Jessica's advice about "poor people" and held his tongue.

"So… when's the baby due?" he asked.

"Last Friday."

"Oh!"

"Look, don't worry," said Conchita, smiling at his panicked expression. "If I go into labour while you're here… well, I might ask you to drive me to the hospital, but you won't have to catch it or anything."

"Right," said Oscar. "Good."

"Have you heard Rose's news?"

"No. What's Rose's news?"

"She and Anna are getting married."

"No one told me _that_," said Oscar. "When?"

"Next summer."

"_Next_ summer?"

"Yes."

"But it's _this_ summer now."

"I know," said Conchita. "They're being sensible. They got engaged last week, and then they agreed to wait a year to make sure they still wanted to, since they're so young. I mean, doesn't that sound sensible to you?"

"Er… yeah, I guess so."

"I mean, _I_ wanted to do that - y'know? Get through the pregnancy, have the baby, see how it worked out with the three of us…"

"I guess that seems normal to you and Rose, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, well, I remember my parents' wedding like it was yesterday," said Conchita. "I was five, Rose was two. _I_ don't see what's wrong with waiting."

"But Dennis doesn't agree?"

"Well, there's a rumour that _he_ was an invisible guest at his parents' wedding, and that's why they got married in the first place. Everyone says so."

"How rude of them."

Conchita smiled slightly. "Yeah."

"My mom would have a fit if one of us had a child without being married," said Oscar. "Andre would go nuts if one of his did it, and even Dad would think it was a bit weird. So would Kate, probably. It's not unusual for people to think that way."

"But they're _old_," said Conchita. "Anyway, Dennis was being ridiculous. Once he said, 'If you don't want to marry me now, you'll _never_ want to marry me,' - I just got _so_ mad."

"I've never seen you mad," said Oscar.

"Yeah, well, I've been getting mad with Dennis a hell of a lot lately."

"Was it just the marriage issue?"

"Well, no, not really. He's so _possessive_. The last straw was when he came to see me on the stall in his lunch hour, and he found this guy talking to me."

"What guy?" asked Oscar.

"This guy Nick… he's quite a frequent customer of mine."

"Wears a lot of jewellery, does he?"

"Well," said Conchita, "he normally buys something."

"Chita," said Oscar. "It's not very good manners to hit on a pregnant woman."

"I know that," Conchita said irritably. "But that's _my_ problem, isn't it? Dennis had absolutely no right to interfere - he doesn't own me."

"I can understand why he did."

"Well he shouldn't have. It's not like he, he caught someone using his toothbrush or something - who is he to tell me who I can and can't talk to?"

"Well," said Oscar. "No one, I guess."

"So then I was like, is this what it's gonna be like when we're married, and he went back to work and then when we got home we had this huge fight - and then I realised I wasn't a hundred percent sure about marrying him anymore. I _was_, when I asked him, but then he made me doubt it. And you shouldn't get married if you're not a hundred percent sure."

"Well… I hope you can work it out," said Oscar.

"Do you?"

"Yes. You know I think you guys are good together. Anyway, you deserve to be happy."

"I _am_ happy," Conchita said earnestly. "See, the thing is, I'm not so sure marrying me would be so great for him either."

"What? Why not?" said Oscar, truly startled. Conchita, as far as he was concerned, was practically perfect in every way. Any man she wanted to marry was the luckiest human being on the planet.

"Because before I got pregnant," said Conchita, "I was _so sure _we were going to be together forever. But now that we've got a baby on the way… I've left him. I wanted kids more than I _ever_ really wanted him."

"Hey, don't look so guilty," said Oscar. "You left because he was making it hard for you to keep on loving him. And you'll go back if he starts listening to you, won't you?"

"Yes. But maybe that's just because I wanna have more kids."

"Oh don't be ridiculous."

"Oh God, I don't know," Conchita sighed heavily. "I don't know what I'll do if I _don't_ go back to him. I can't live here with Mom and Dad and the baby forever."

"Why not use the apartment?" said Oscar. "Dennis might own it, but the baby's entitled to it before him, which means you are too. I think."

"He offered to move out," said Conchita. "But I didn't want to be on my own with the baby - I'm terrified enough as it is."

"That'll change. Once you've had the baby, you'll know _exactly_ what to do."

Conchita looked dubious. "Will I?"

"Well, my sister did, and you're a hell of a lot more maternal than she is."

"Yeah, but she's married."

"She'd probably say that doesn't make much difference."

"Dad always said it was a bad idea to get involved with a cop," said Conchita. "He's _so_ mad at Dennis - you know what he's like about me and Rose. I'm a bit worried about what'll happen after I've had the baby, because he and Dennis'll have to see each other."

"Will Dennis be there when you have it?" asked Oscar.

"Of course. He's still the baby's father. Maybe it'll even… I don't know, bring us back together or something." She sighed heavily, and then asked, "Another coffee?"

"Why not?" said Oscar, handing her his empty mug. "Thanks."

She got up and walked out of the room, and Oscar wiled away the seconds admiring her market stall products. She really was a talented artist. He remembered a cartoon of exceptional quality that she and Rose had created together, which hung over Hayden and Jessica's fireplace to that very day. He was wondering whether she'd be offended if he offered her paid work on his band's next album cover, when he heard, "Oscar?"

So apparently not _all_ women had to whine, and elongate the second vowel sound in his name. He had begun to wonder. He called back, "Yeah?"

"Can you please drive me to the hospital?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Conchita was fine for most of the way. But then they got caught in a traffic jam less than half a mile from the hospital, and suddenly she wailed, "Oh God, I'm so irresponsible!"

"W-what?" said Oscar, panicking slightly.

"I'm about to have a baby and I don't have any money and I've left Dennis!"

"It'll be okay," Oscar said desperately.

"You're just saying that."

"No I'm not. You'll make it work - I just know it."

"You don't _know_ anything," snapped Conchita.

"Well… look, there's no point in panicking now, is there? Chita," he said earnestly. "You're going to have a baby."

She sniffed, and then said quietly, "Yeah."

"You remember how much you wanna have a baby?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to have one, and it's going to be _so_ amazing."

"Yeah," Conchita said again. Then she tipped her head back onto the seat and said, wincing, "I'm not looking forward to when the pain gets worse."

"Well I don't know what to tell you," said Oscar. "But look, we're nearly there now," as the traffic finally started moving again.

"Yeah, great, then I'll have a load of doctors molesting me."

"And _then_ you'll have a baby, Chita."

"Yeah."

He glanced at her, and she was smiling again. He stopped worrying. All it took to cheer her up was mentioning the baby, so once she'd had it, she'd be fine. Probably.

"Who would you like me to call when we get there?" asked Oscar.

"Dennis," said Conchita. "His number's in my cell phone - remind me to give it to you. And you can call Rose or one of my parents - then they'll all call each other. But I don't want them at the hospital, so don't let them come. Then you can go home if you like."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No, no, I'll be fine."

Once they arrived at the hospital, everything turned a bit hectic. Conchita was bundled into a wheelchair, all the time protesting, "Hey, hey, hey - I can walk!" while some kind of nurse grabbed Oscar and started frogmarching him towards the delivery room.

"Whoa, hey, what are you doing?" he protested, beginning to understand why Jessica had been so much put off maternity wards after having Tom. Then he realised what this woman must be thinking, and said, "I'm not the baby's father."

"Oh!" She looked at him, and then asked irritably, "Where _is_ the baby's father?"

"If you let me go, I'll call him."

She let him go, and he went to a payphone, surreptitiously looking at Conchita's cell for Dennis's number. He turned it off as soon as he had dialled (knowing that the cell phone ban in hospitals was for a very good reason), and after shoving a lot of change into the phone and talking to several police officers, he finally learnt that Dennis wouldn't be able to get away from work for some time. He sent this message to Conchita, and a minute later was told by a doctor, "She's asking if you can get her mother or sister here."

Oscar had delayed calling Conchita's family members for that one minute, suspecting that she might want some support from one of them when she learned that Dennis would be late. It was tempting to feel angry with him for not being able to get away in order to witness the birth of his child, but on the other hand, he was a cop. Maybe he was in the middle of trying to stop an armed robbery or something.

It was a long process, but eventually he managed to get hold of Conchita's mother, Kylie Griffin, and at last was able to hang up the payphone for what the thought was the last time. Then when he turned round, the orange demon was sitting on one of the little plastic chairs fixed to the wall.

"Oh, come on - I left you a nice big house by the coast with a hot tub and everything!" Oscar said desperately.

"Pick the phone up," said the demon.

"What?"

"Haven't you ever watched _Quantum Leap_? Pick the phone up so you can talk to me without getting dragged off to the mental ward."

Oscar didn't particularly want to talk to the demon, but he knew it would talk whether he picked up the phone or not, and he also knew it would probably provoke a response out of him. So he picked up the receiver and put it to his ear.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" said Oscar.

"Not so long ago you were inviting me to move in with you," said the demon.

"Look, I don't get it. I remember you now, from before."

"Do you really?"

"Yes I do, and I got the distinct impression that you were only bugging me because you wanted Hayden and Jessica together, and you thought I was getting in the way."

"You _were_ getting in the way."

"But I'm not _now_! They're married with two kids - what more do you want?"

"They're not the only two people who should be together, Oscar."

"I'm not stopping anyone else from getting together."

"No, but since you were coming down here I thought I'd follow you. See, there's these two people I think should be together, and I'm worried that it's not happening."

"Chita and Dennis," Oscar said brightly.

The demon gave him a stern look. "You stay out of that. She knows what she wants, or if she doesn't she will soon, and _you_ can't tell her any different. Okay?"

"All right," said Oscar, "so who is it?"

"Oh, you want to help me?"

"Well you must want me to, or why would you keep bugging me?"

"Well," said the demon, "it did cross my mind. See, Oscar, what I like about you and your sister - "

"You spoke to Jess?"

" - is that you have the right mindset to talk to me. But these two… well, _she's_ not the problem. _She_ knows how she feels. It's him - he's completely clueless."

"Okay, so who's the guy? I'll get him to talk about his feelings, and then you can leave me alone. Deal?"

"We'll talk about it later," the demon said airily. "In the meantime, I think there's someone you want to talk to."

"What?" said Oscar, and glancing round, he saw Kylie walking down the corridor. He hung up, strode over to her and said smilingly, "Hey, Grandma."

"Oh, don't," Kylie winced. "Oscar, thank you _so _much for bringing her here."

"Well," said Oscar, "I _thought_ about just leaving her to give birth on your living room floor…"

"How is she?"

"Well she's in labour."

"Yeah, well. Look, what's this about Dennis not being able to be here?"

"He'll get here as soon as he can," said Oscar. "In the meantime, I think she probably really needs you about now."

"Right," said Kylie. "Where is she?"

Through all of the thirty seconds it took to walk to the delivery room, Kylie thanked Oscar over and over again for not leaving her daughter to give birth in her parents' apartment with only a sleeping tabby cat for company. Then, once they were outside the door, she seemed to forget about him completely and went charging in, saying, "It's okay, honey - Mommy's here."

Happy that Conchita was now in the hands of someone who seemed to know what the hell to say and do to put her at her ease, Oscar made his way back to his car, where the demon was waiting for him.

"So where are we headed?" asked the demon.

"Toy store."

"_What_?"

"I promised Tom a present, and Robbie'll need one too."

"_Need_ one?" said the demon, as Oscar started up the car. "Those boys have got way more than what they need already."

"So come on, tell me about yourself," said Oscar. "Are you, like… Cupid or something?"

"I most certainly am _not_ like Cupid," snapped the demon. "_He's_ part of the problem."

"What problem?"

"O-oh… maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I shouldn't be getting a human involved."

"Why the hell not? You involved me with Hayden and Jess."

"I wasn't _involving_ you," said the demon. "I was _encouraging _you. That one was easy. _This_ isn't. I need to get the _guy_ to talk, at least - let me know where he's at."

"Who is he?"

"I can't tell you that."

"What? But you didn't mind telling me about - "

"That was different. You were part of the problem - I needed to give you a nudge. But this one's nothing to do with you. It's just really hard."

"How," said Oscar, "are you not like Cupid, exactly?"

"Because Cupid decides for himself who makes a cute couple and then manipulates their wills," the demon said. "I'm not like that. It's not all predestined, you know."

"It's not, huh? You sure talk like it is."

"Well it _isn't_. I just keep a lookout, and when two people start to realise that they're in love I get these… _vibes_. And sometimes I have to try and give them a little nudge."

"That's stupid."

"I know."

"I mean, if people are in love they figure it out for themselves."

"They _should_," said the demon. "But you'd be surprised. To tell you the truth, Oscar, I shouldn't even _be _here. I was created by people getting it hopelessly wrong."

"How can you fall in love _wrong_?" Oscar asked distastefully.

"You can't. But you can _act_ wrong. Let's take some examples."

"Must we?"

"Look, do you wanna know why I'm hanging around or not?"

"Oh… sure, sure."

"Right then. _Your_ family."

"I've heard enough about them."

"It'll help you understand," said the demon. "Now just shut up and listen. Your mother and father - your Andre-father - weren't in love. They just got married for the sake of getting married, and let me tell you, people do that _all_ the time. It's wrong."

"I know you don't like that," said Oscar. "That's why you're such a jerk to me."

"You should have never been born."

"Well I didn't do it on purpose!"

"All right, all right, point taken," said the demon. "But your brother and sister, if you'll pardon the expression - they're genuinely in love, and have been for a long time. But she was refusing to act on it, _partly _because of you, but also because she had all these weird ideas about marriage. But _not _wanting to get married for the sake of not getting married is as bad as wanting to get married for the sake of getting married. You with me?"

"Not really."

"Society makes problems for itself," said the demon. "Marriage is seen as the ideal - the biggest criterion for success, even - so a lot of people go out of their way to get married, never mind who to, while other people - like your dear little sister - think they're above the whim of the masses and rebel. _That's_ why people get it wrong. They don't realise that they need to take a step back and let life take its course. Some people will fall in love and get married, and some won't. It's right for some people and not others."

"If _that's_ how you feel," said Oscar, "you should be nicer to me. During the course of my life about twenty women have wanted to marry me, but I didn't let it happen."

"I appreciate that."

"So should Chita marry Dennis?"

"That's for them to discover. I don't worry about them. They'll figure it out, and whatever they decide will be what's best for them and their child."

The demon was silent for the rest of the way to the toy store, and when Oscar came out again it had gone. He drove back to Jessica's house, showered his nephews with gifts and then drove his parents home. Then he went to the bathroom, not having been since Conchita let him go before he drove her to the hospital.

"Oh, can't you wait outside?" Oscar said irritably.

"Sure," said the demon, sauntering past Oscar's shins and out of the door.

When he was done, they talked in Oscar's room - the one that he had occupied regularly as a teenager, and now used on his visits to New York.

"So what's the plan for the rest of the day?" asked the demon.

"What, you're gonna follow me everywhere, are you?"

"No, not everywhere."

"Good, because I was thinking of dropping in on Natalie."

The demon scowled. "Oh."

"I guess you don't like her much either, huh?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, _her_ parents weren't supposed to be together either."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"But they're divorced."

"That's because they got married too young," said the demon. "If they'd given it a few more years, who knows? Like Chita's sister and her lover are doing. Sensible girls."

"You're okay with homosexual relationships, then?"

"More than. I'm always talking about you and Danny, aren't I?"

"Oh yeah," said Oscar.

"It's souls that count," said the demon. "Not bodies."

"Which is why you think I could make it work with Danny even though I'm not gay."

"Ah, you're getting there."

"But I don't want to sleep with him."

"You might, if you really thought about it."

"Please don't," said Oscar. "Look… thanks for telling me about yourself. I find you slightly less annoying now that I partially understand you."

The demon raised its eyebrows. "Partially? It's perfectly simple. People are crap. They have no idea what's good for them, so they ruin their lives and have children and ruin _their_ lives by getting married for the sake of getting married. Like your par- "

"Will you stop getting at them?"

"They weren't too young, Oscar. They were both sensible adults who should have known better. Mind you, though, I don't blame _him_ so much."

"_What_?"

"I overheard Hayden saying it to Jessica one time, when they were kids, and he was right. Andre wasn't in love with anybody else at the time, but _she_ was. So why did she do it?"

"Well because Peter wouldn't marry her," said Oscar.

"So?"

"So she thought it would be a good idea to marry someone else."

"Why?"

"Because she was pretty sure she wasn't going to be able to marry Peter."

"So?"

"I'm going to strangle you in a minute!"

"The answer you're looking for," said the demon, "is that she would marry _anyone_ rather than not be married at all. That's pretty pathetic, if you ask me."

"Stop talking about my mom that way."

"You should get some flowers."

"I… what?"

"For Dimples," said the demon. "When she's squeezed out the kid."

"She might not want to see me at the hospital," said Oscar. "And if she does I can buy them there."

"Oh, yeah, great, what a nice gesture," said the demon. "Nothing says congratulations on surviving unimaginable pain and bringing new life into the world like crappy hospital - "

"All right, all _right_, I'll get a florist to make me a nice bouquet for her."

"Now."

"_Now_?"

"Yes, now."

"No. Natalie'll be back from work soon - I wanna go see her."

"Oscar, please, stop thinking with your dick," said the demon. "_Flow-wers_!"

"Ah jeez, all right, if it'll get you off my back… Look, what was that in my LA kitchen about why were you here if I was okay? I mean, if you're done with me…"

"Hmmm? Oh, well, I _was_ a bit worried about your feelings for Conchita," said the demon; "but mostly I was just joshing with you."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Nice place," remarked Oscar, as he pulled into a parking spot near the flower shop that the demon apparently favoured.

"They do a good, professional job here," said the demon.

"So what should I get her?"

"I don't know. What does she like?"

"I don't think there are any flowers she _doesn't_ like. I don't know her favourite - I don't really know very much about flowers."

"Me either. Why don't you go in and ask whoever's serving to advise you?"

Oscar obediently climbed out of the car and made his way over to the small building. He was hit by the bizarre mix of pleasant smells as he went in and approached the girl behind the counter, who was arranging a display of some kind of blue flower he didn't recognise. It was pretty, though - Conchita would probably like it.

The girl was young - not yet twenty - and subtly pretty. She was black, and her hair braided with red and white beads clinging to it in places. Oscar thought she looked faintly familiar, and she seemed to recognise him as she smiled and said with mock hysteria, "Oh my God, a famous person!"

Then quite suddenly he realised who she was, and said incredulously, "Dawn!"

It wasn't so incredible, despite his surprise. She lived nearby, and she had as much right to work as anyone else. By now she had to be… well, he'd find out how old she was.

"You recognise me," Dawn Jackson said approvingly.

"Just. God, I haven't seen you for about six years."

They got chatting. He asked after her mother, and she congratulated him on Mood Slime's latest album. He managed to find out that she was eighteen, had just left school and had no particular desire to go to college at that time.

"I like working here," she said. "So I figured I might as well stick around until I find something I wanna do more. Which might be never," she added.

"So you know a lot about flowers?" asked Oscar.

"I like to think so. I've been working here two years."

"Excellent. What's good for someone who's had a baby?"

"Who's had a baby?"

"Well, no one yet," said Oscar, meaning of course no one that he knew; more than likely somebody somewhere was having one at that very moment. "But Conchita went into labour a few hours ago."

"Oh, that's fantastic news," beamed Dawn. "She's gonna be the _best_ mom, isn't she?"

"She sure is."

"Okay, baby flowers…"

Dawn came briskly out from behind the counter just as the shop door opened, and it just happened to be Roland Jackson - Dawn's own uncle - who walked in.

"Hi," Dawn said brightly. "I guess this means you've heard about Conchita."

"Yes," said Roland. "Who told _you_?"

"Oscar."

"Oh." Roland looked at Oscar, perhaps slightly disapprovingly. "Hello."

"You want some flowers for her too?" asked Dawn.

"Er, yeah."

"Right, well…"

The door opened again. This time it was Rose Rivera and her lover, Anna Rodriguez. Rose spotted Oscar immediately, made straight for him and said earnestly, "Oscar, thank you so much for driving Chita to the hospital."

"Don't sweat it," said Oscar. "I'm sure you would have done the same for _my_ sister. I hear congratulations are in order," he added, looking from Rose to Anna and back again.

"Why is that?" Dawn asked interestedly.

"Rose and I are getting married next year," Anna said matter-of-factly.

"Really?" said Dawn. "That's great! Who's doing your flowers?"

The next time the door opened, it was Max Miller - the son of the fourth member of the Ghostbusting team that had included Rose's parents and Roland - also there to buy flowers for Conchita. Shortly after this, Kevin Rivera - Conchita's cousin - and his eight-year-old daughter Emma turned up; and just when Oscar was beginning to wonder if this was some kind of setup on the demon's part, Eric Stantz breezed in as well. He had to have a big catch-up with Oscar right in the middle of the shop, and then Dawn slipped in with a gentle hint about maybe buying some flowers.

"Wait, wait, wait," said Kevin, interrupting Dawn in the middle of a list of ideas about which particular blooms were most favoured by new mothers. "We're not really _all_ gonna give her flowers, are we?"

"Why not?" said Dawn. "She _likes_ flowers. She'd be really grateful."

"She's right, Dad," Emma said sagely.

"She'd _love_ it if you all bought her flowers," Dawn added.

"That's true, actually, she would," said Max.

"But we can't all crowd into the hospital with flowers," said Kevin. "She'll be feeling delicate."

"Yeah, and we'd scare the baby," added Roland.

"Well that's all right," said Dawn. "Rose is going to the hospital - _she_ can take them all."

"What?" said Rose, looking anxiously around at the five other parties all wanting to buy flowers for her sister.

"Don't worry, Anna'll help you," said Dawn.

"Do you get commission or something?" asked Max.

"Yes," said Dawn, "actually," and the two of them giggled briefly. Then Dawn went back to being professional and said, "I can do you all something really good. I've got a load of pink orchids back there - I can make you a wreath that says 'IT'S A GIRL'."

"Can you really?" asked Eric, visibly impressed.

"What if it's a boy?" asked Emma.

"Well," said Dawn, "she'd be too polite to say anything."

"She won't want wreaths," said Rose. "Sorry, Dawn, but she'd think it was too much."

Dawn shrugged. "That's okay. I get commission on regular bouquets too."

She began trying to advise everybody as to which flowers they might like to give, but it soon became apparent that with eight people in the small shop besides herself, it was going to be pretty much impossible.

"Okay!" Roland said at last. "How about if everybody who doesn't really _care_ what their flowers look like steps outside?"

A few people stepped away and wandered outside, leaving in the shop Dawn, Oscar, Roland, Rose, Eric and Emma. That was still a fair few people, but three less than before, and Kevin and Max's absence made a real difference (not so much Anna; she was small).

The process passed in a bit of a blur for Oscar. His turn came after Emma's, Rose's, Roland's _and_ Eric's, and then he and Dawn pieced together a nice little bouquet. She then let Emma help her throw something together for Max, and finally started asking everyone what they wanted her to write on their cards. Eric's offering, as it turned out, was from the entire team of current Ghostbusters; Roland's was from any number of Jacksons, including Dawn (they required a plus-sized card); and Emma ordered that her card should read, "To Conchita: Congratulations on this very special day. With love from Kevin, Rachel, Emma, Carl and Beth".

"Cheapskate," Rose said good-naturedly.

Roland stuck his head out of the door, and came back with confirmation that Max was buying on behalf of himself and his parents. Then came Oscar's turn. He said, "Better make it from me, Peter, Dana, Jessica, Hayden, Tom and Robbie."

By the time he was able to leave the shop, Oscar could hardly remember the outside world. He helped Rose and Anna to load all the flowers into the back of a taxi, and then wandered back to his car with carnations swimming in front of his eyes and two dozen red roses in his hands. It was lucky he'd had his chequebook with him.

"That," said Oscar, as he settled into the driver's seat, "was _really_ weird."

"Do you have _any_ idea how inappropriate it is to give red roses to a woman who's just given birth?" asked the demon, horrified.

"I thought you didn't know much about flowers," said Oscar.

"I don't, but even _I_ know what red roses connote."

"Those aren't for Chita, okay? About four million people were in there buying her flowers and her sister took them all. I'm gonna give these ones to Nat."

"Really?" the demon said interestedly. "Does Natalie _like_ flowers?"

"I don't think she has any violent objections to them," said Oscar. "Anyway, I bought them because little Dawn Jackson was working in there, and she gets commission and I like her. I spent forty dollars on Conchita and two hundred on those things."

"Ah." The demon nodded. "Dawn reminds you of her aunt, does she?"

"_What_?"

"Amy."

"Yeah, I know who her aunt is," Oscar said irritably. "Look, I had two amazing years with AJ and it broke my heart when she dumped me. But we were just kids and I'm over it now, okay?"

"Are you?" said the demon.

"Yes. Have been for years. Why - what are you trying to tell me _now_?"

"Well, maybe she's the reason you could never bring yourself to settle down. Through all those other women, you were really wanting _her_."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," said Oscar. "I wish you'd stop doing this. _Who_ is the love of my life - is it AJ, Danny or Conchita? Or can't you make up your mind?"

"No, I can," said the demon. "It's Danny."

"Right, good," said Oscar, as he pulled the car into gear. "So no more about anybody else, all right?"

"Well… maybe."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

If challenged, Oscar would have said that he wasn't sure how or why his on-off affair with Natalie Daniels had started. In simple terms, she had been an admirer of his music and his body since she was about eight years old, and in recent years had persuaded him that it would be a good idea for the two of them to have casual sex occasionally. Oscar had objected at first. She was too young for him and besides, he didn't _do_ casual sex - he only made love (or at least he tried). Then they did it anyway.

This was the first time he had given her flowers, and she looked suspicious, so he told her the whole story behind them. Natalie was fond of Dawn - she'd approve of her getting commission on two hundred and forty dollars.

They didn't really get talking until after they'd indulged in the perks of their relationship. Natalie lived alone in her apartment, and had a nice big double bed for that - though it was neither as nice nor as big as Oscar's back in LA.

"I wonder how Chita's doing," Natalie said at length.

Oscar turned his head on the pillow and looked at the clock on the dresser. "Well, she's been in labour for about four and a half hours now."

"That's not much, is it?"

"First labours last an average of twelve."

"Ouch."

"Do _you_ wanna have kids?" asked Oscar.

"What, with you?"

"With anyone. Ever."

"Not especially."

"What if you were getting pregnant right now?"

"Why?" asked Natalie. "Have you been messing with my pills or something?"

"No, I just wondered."

"I'd cope - especially with _you_ paying child support. What is this, anyway? Do _you_ wanna have kids? Soon?"

Oscar rolled over onto his front, thought for a moment and then said, "I always saw kids in my long-term plans, but it's probably for the best that I never got around to it. I can barely even take care of _myself_, never mind a whole family."

Natalie didn't say anything. They were silent for a few minutes, and then Oscar said, "Do you know much about the situation with Dennis?"

"Oscar, Conchita and I aren't the big buddies you seem to think we are," said Natalie. "Just because we're women of a similar age, doesn't mean we _have_ to get along."

"Oh." Oscar looked at her. "Don't you?"

"We get along fine, but I don't know anything about what's happening with Dennis."

"I wonder if he's made it to the delivery room yet."

"I hope you're not making judgements about them splitting up when they've got a baby on the way," Natalie said sternly. "_I've_ got a much better relationship with both my parents than I _would_ have, if they'd stayed together and been unhappy."

"_I_ haven't," said Oscar.

"Yeah, well, that's because your father went all the way to another country and didn't bother much about you once he got there, isn't it?"

"Well." It was a fair point. "Yeah, you're right, it is."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Oscar half expected to have another chat with the demon on his way home, but it didn't turn up. Maybe it had decided it didn't want to play _Quantum Leap_ after all, and no longer wanted Oscar involved in its matchmaking activities.

General cooking smells hit him when he walked through the front door, and then he heard his mother's voice calling, "Is that you, honey?"

The answer could be yes or no, depending on whether she expected him or Peter. Oscar walked into the kitchen and said, "It's me, Mom."

"Good - I'm just starting dinner and I didn't know if you'd be here."

"Of course I'll be here. What's the point in coming home if you don't have dinner once you're there?"

"You'd better let your father know you're here," said Dana, "or he'll call you to find out if you're coming back, when he's done talking to your sister."

It wouldn't have been the end of the world, but as it turned out Peter came into the kitchen at that very moment with the phone in his hand, and asked, "Dana, can we take Tom and Robbie tomorrow?"

"Of _course_!" Dana said emphatically. "Why?"

"Well Jess wants to get onto doing her house soon, and she wants to see how Robbie does with just us and Tom all day before she starts doing anything serious."

"She's asked you if you'd be prepared to childmind full-time, then?" said Oscar.

"Honey," said Dana, "she doesn't _have_ to ask."

Peter and Dana were always more than willing to look after Tom and Robbie, and Oscar understood that. He was the same. The love people felt for the children in their families was quite extraordinary. If Tom and Robbie were not a greater achievement to Jessica than Oscar's music career was to him, they were sometimes treated as such. Oscar had been told about Jessica's first pregnancy quite a bit later than his parents, but he was there with them when she announced the second, and the reaction was more spectacular than the one he'd had for landing Mood Slime's first record deal. Peter had practically kissed Hayden, and all Oscar could think was, _That's for having sex with his daughter._

Oscar liked kids, but he thought that what he'd said to Natalie was probably pretty accurate. Even though he thought he made an extremely good uncle, he'd make a terrible father. Jessica's house had a perpetually relaxed atmosphere about it, and they just had so much _fun_ in there. Oscar couldn't see himself running a household like that. During his life he'd gone through bouts of depression, not-too-severe drug abuse (he'd had more than enough trouble with his bassist where drugs were concerned) and even bulimia. For him to have children would be nothing short of irresponsible.

The train of thought led him back to Conchita - but that was _after_ dinner, when he was going up to his room. As soon as he walked in, the demon, sitting cross-legged at the exact centre of his bed, said, "Are you _sure_ you're not a little bit in love with Conchita?"

"Can you tell what I'm thinking?" asked Oscar, who had been thinking that Dawn was right: Conchita really _would_ be "the best mom".

"Not really," said the demon. "I can just tell when you're thinking mushy stuff about certain people."

"I was just thinking how much I admire her," said Oscar. "And wishing I could be secure and selfless and responsible like she is."

"Aren't you selfless already?" Clearly it agreed that he was insecure and irresponsible.

"Not really. I had to be pretty selfish to get to where I am today."

"Career-wise, you mean?"

"Yes."

"Let me ask you a question," said the demon. "Do you think that if you hadn't pursued fame so relentlessly, you would have gotten married and had kids?"

"How can I possibly know?" said Oscar.

"Yeah, okay, fair point. Well… if you knew for sure that you _would_ have, would you have sacrificed the dream for that?"

"No way."

"But Oscar, the things you've been through…"

Oscar merely shrugged, and said, "It was a big dream, and it came at a big price. I wanted it more than _anything_, and I stand by that. And anyway, love hurts more than a dumb little eating disorder, doesn't it? You used to enjoy telling me what Jess put Hayden's poor little heart through before they got it together. Is that so different?"

The demon folded its arms, and said irritably, "All right, smartass, I only wondered."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Anxious for news on Conchita, Oscar got up fairly early the following morning. His nephews must have arrived when he was in the shower, because they weren't there when he woke up and he definitely didn't hear them arrive; but when he came out of the bathroom Tom cannoned into his legs, and then said excitedly, "Guess what! Mommy's going to make two million dollars!"

"Two _million_?" said Oscar.

"That's what she said."

"Is she here?"

"No, Daddy brought us."

"Oh, great - I haven't seen him yet."

Oscar followed Tom at a sedate pace as he half-ran, half-fell down the stairs. Hayden was standing in the doorway holding Robbie, and giving Peter detailed instructions on how he liked his milk (given that he wasn't being allowed his preferred choice of taking it straight from his mother), and telling him to administer it "whenever he gets hungry".

"Yes, all right, I got it," said Peter. "Feed him at mealtimes whether he's hungry or not."

"Fine, _be _blasé - you're the one who'll have to answer to Jessica if he's not happy," said Hayden. "Oh - hi, Oscar. How are you?"

"I'm okay," said Oscar. "How are you?"

"Smashing," said Hayden, handing Robbie over to Peter. "Bit late for work. Tom, come here - wish Daddy luck with the big scary father of the boy who stabs all his friends."

As Hayden crouched down started saying goodbye to his older son, Dana appeared with the phone in her hand and said, "Oscar, honey, it's Eduardo - he wants to talk to you."

"Oh, thanks," said Oscar, panicking slightly that it was bad news, after being so desperate to hear about Conchita. "Hi, Eddie. How's it going?"

"Great," came the slightly dazed reply. "Chita had a little girl at two thirty this morning."

"Oh, fantastic! Give her my congratulations."

"You can do that yourself - she wants to see you."

"Does she?"

"Yes."

"What, in the hospital?"

"Yes, in the hospital, as soon as possible," Eduardo said patiently. "Hey, listen - thank you so much for taking her there. I'm really grateful."

"It was no trouble at all," Oscar said robotically. "I'll go there now, then, shall I?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Hey," hissed Oscar, talking out of the corner of his mouth. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"I wanna see the baby," the demon said simply.

"Why?"

"I _like_ babies. Oh, look who's here."

As Oscar was approaching the room he had been sent to, Dennis Wu was leaving it. Part of him wanted to duck behind the nearest midwife until he'd gone, but instead Oscar did the grown-up thing and said pleasantly, "Hi, Dennis."

"Hi," Dennis said blankly.

"Congratulations."

"Yeah, thanks."

"God, he _hates_ you," muttered the demon.

"Look… thanks for bringing her here," said Dennis.

"Oh that's, that was no trouble at all."

"And thanks for trying to get hold of me. I was in the middle of trying to talk this drug addict down off a tall building, you see, and…"

"Yeah, I thought it might be something like that."

"Well," said Dennis, "I gotta go."

"Right, yes, of course," said Oscar, trying not to sound too relieved.

Dennis sloped off, and Oscar ventured into the small room, which Conchita was sharing with a young woman who couldn't have been more than twenty. This woman had her baby attached to her breast, while Conchita's was fast asleep in her plastic tank.

"Hi!" said Conchita, smiling all over her unusually wan face.

"Hi." Thankfully, the demon seemed to have gone. "How are you feeling?"

"Well I've felt better," said Conchita. Then she nodded towards the other woman and said, "This is Holly and Bryce. Holly knows who _you_ are."

"I'm a really big fan," gushed Holly.

"That's always good to hear," said Oscar. "Congratulations - he's beautiful."

He could see nothing of Bryce, as he was completely covered with an off-white shawl, but Holly was delighted with the compliment to her offspring and started giggling like a schoolgirl (which, looking closely at her, she could well have actually been).

"Thanks for the flowers," said Conchita.

Oscar couldn't help laughing when she said that - she was absolutely surrounded by the things. He then ventured over to the baby, and saw a sign hanging over her head that read "_Charlotte Rivera_". He had barely taken this in, however, when Conchita said, "Ignore that. They wrote Rivera because it's _my_ name, and they just assume I'm married. When Dennis showed up they kept calling him 'Mr. Rivera'."

"That's really sexist," remarked Oscar. Jessica wouldn't have stood for that, whether she was in labour or not.

"Yeah, well, what can you do?"

"So where did they get Charlotte? Is that the name of the midwife's mother, or…?"

"No, no, that really _is_ her name," said Conchita. "Well, it's as much as we've got so far."

As she spoke, a matronly looking midwife bustled in, peered down at Charlotte and said, "She looks a little jaundiced."

"Oh no, her dad's Chinese," Conchita said patiently.

"Oh," said the midwife, and she bustled out again.

"I can't believe they're _still_ doing that!" said Holly.

"They're only trying to do their job," said Conchita. "Yeah, so anyway - Dennis and I have been… _debating_ what should come after Charlotte."

"Connie wants her to have both their surnames," Holly said. "And no middle name."

"I never said _absolutely _no middle name," said Conchita. "But… what would she _do_ with a middle name? _I _don't have a middle name. Do _you_ have a middle name, Oscar?"

"Yes," said Oscar, "but I hate it and I'm not telling you what it is."

"See, that's what everyone says," said Conchita.

"I'm the same," said Holly.

"See? So why do it to her? Do Tom and Robbie have middle names?"

"Er, yeah. Tom's is Jack and Robbie's is Tony, after _Some Like It Hot_."

"So if they had a sister, would her middle name be Marilyn?" asked Holly.

"I guess," said Oscar, who happened to know that such a thing was not on the cards.

"Well that's not so bad, I guess," said Jessica. "I didn't _think_ I went in for naming kids after people, but then Dennis pointed out that my grandmother's name was Carlota, which is Spanish for Charlotte - so now he wants to give her a middle name after somebody from _his_ family."

"He suggested Michelle, after his father Michael," said Holly, who had apparently been taking copious notes on the discussion.

"Right," said Conchita, "but the problem is I really hate that name."

Before he could stop himself, Oscar said, "What about Michaela?"

"Oh, I _like_ that!" said Conchita, brightening suddenly. "Dennis would like it too, I think. I mean, you can't put Rivera after Michaela, can you?"

"Well, why don't you discuss it with him when he comes back?" Oscar said hastily, worried now about how Dennis would feel if he found out his supposed arch-rival had had a not insignificant hand in naming his daughter.

Another staff member wandered in, this one male, looked at Charlotte and said, "Ooh, she looks a little bit jaundiced."

"No, that's okay," said Conchita. "Her dad's Chinese. Oh… excuse me a minute."

She crawled out of bed, waving off the attempts of the staff member to help her, and staggered through a door in the corner to what Oscar presumed was a bathroom.

"Is she all right?" the officious medical professional asked.

"She's just had a baby," said Holly. "She's been sick a few times since."

"But she keeps telling us she feels fine."

"I'm sure she'll be all right."

The guy made a few notes on his clipboard and finally sloped off. Holly looked at Oscar, and said distastefully, "They don't leave you alone in this place."

"Well, it's their job to look after you."

"That's what Connie keeps saying."

"Knowing her, she's probably hating it more than she's letting on," said Oscar, quietly wondering just how much Holly had overheard when Dennis was there, and wrestling with his conscience over asking her. "So, um, is Bryce your first?"

"Yeah," said Holly, beaming. "I tell you what, I wish he slept as much as Charlotte."

"Did _you_ have a big debate over what to call him?"

"No. We got them to tell us the sex when I had a scan and decided before he was born. I didn't know it was gonna save us so much trouble, though."

"Right," said Oscar. "So was the discussion not, er… amicable?"

"It was fine," said Holly. "I suppose you're wondering if they managed to resolve the, er, _problems_ they've been having."

"Oh, she told you about that, huh?"

"Yeah, she said Dennis was jealous of her relationship with _you_."

"Well he needn't be," said Oscar.

"She said that too," said Holly.

Another nurse came in, and said Charlotte looked jaundiced.

"Her dad's Chinese," Oscar and Holly said in unison. Then Holly went on, "If you _really _wanna know, Dennis said he wanted her back home."

"Oh!" said Oscar. "And what did _she_ say?"

Holly opened her mouth, but abruptly closed it again when Charlotte started grizzling. It was unusually quiet for a baby's cry - or unusual in Oscar's experience, at any rate (his nephews both had lungs like balloons) - but as soon as it started Conchita came lurching out of the bathroom and said, "All right, honey, Mommy's here."

She picked the child up, climbed into bed with her and whipped out her left breast. Oscar and Holly sat in guilty silence while she did all this, Bryce still sucking happily away on his mother's nipple and Oscar desperately trying to think of things to say.

"Oscar," said Conchita. "Please don't tell Jessica I had to go in there and throw up for hours, or she really _will_ think I'm pathetic."

"Jess doesn't think you're pathetic," said Oscar. "And anyway, she'd understand - she's had babies."

"Yeah, but you remember how back-to-normal she was afterwards, and _she_ gave birth to a couple of watermelons, didn't she? Look at Charlotte - she's only six eleven."

"She's quiet, too," said Oscar.

"Yeah," said Holly. "You really lucked out with that one, Con."

"Chita," Oscar ventured timidly. "Holly told me that Dennis asked you back home."

"Oscar!" squeaked Holly.

"I'm not mad at you, Holly - I don't have the energy," said Conchita. "I suppose you want to know what I said."

"Yeah," said Oscar, "I do."

"I said we could give it another try."

"Oh, fantastic!" said Oscar. "I _knew_ you guys were - "

"It's a bit early for that," said Conchita. "Oh, sweetheart, is that all you want? Oscar, would you like to burp her?"

"Love to," said Oscar, stooping to take Charlotte into his arms. "Oh, wow, you _are_ small, aren't you?"

"Rub, don't pat," said Conchita. "She hates that."

Oscar walked the baby up and down the room a couple of times until she burped far more loudly than she had cried. Holly then said eagerly, "Would you like to burp Bryce?"

"Um, sure," said Oscar, and he repeated the process with Bryce while Holly gazed on in admiration, saying, "Wow, I can't believe Oscar Venkman is burping my baby!"

"Have you been a fan for long?" asked Oscar, just to get her saying something else.

"Yeah, years. I used to save up for months and get my second best friend's older brother to buy your music for me and then listen to it secretly."

"Your parents didn't approve of us, then?"

"Ha. Whose did?"

Oscar continued walking Bryce up and down until he fell asleep, and then lowered him into his fish tank. Holly was yawning a lot, so Oscar thought it was probably a polite time for him to leave. When he looked at Conchita, she was still cradling Charlotte in her arms and looking happier than he had ever seen her before.

"Chita?" said Oscar, and she looked up. "I'd better be going now. Holly's tired."

"Okay then, Oscar," said Conchita. "Look, thanks again for driving me to the hospital and calling Dennis and my mom and everything."

What everything? He hadn't done any more than what she'd just said.

"I'm always happy to help a friend," said Oscar. "She's really beautiful, Chita."

He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead - he had no idea why - and said, "Bye. Bye, Holly."

"Come back any time," yawned Holly. "You can bring the rest of the band if you like."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**Six weeks later…**

"What are you doing back so soon?"

Oscar looked down in the direction of the voice, and saw the orange demon.

"Like you don't know," said Oscar.

Several people turned to stare at him for a few moments, and then sloped off. He was in a busy market place, and realised that he was probably going to attract quite a lot of attention if he started talking to a demon that seemed to be invisible to everybody but him. So, remembering how they had got around that in the hospital, Oscar whipped out his cell phone and put it to his ear.

"I'm looking for Chita," he said. "You wanna come with?"

The demon shrugged. "Sure, sure."

"This is a really great place," said Oscar, as they walked. "I've just bought this neat little book from a second-hand bookseller - it says what everybody's names mean."

"Everybody's? Really?"

"Yes, _everybody's_. I'm a 'divine spear'."

"Are you really?"

"Yes," Oscar said proudly. "I never really liked my name much, but 'divine spear' is pretty cool. I'd rather be called Robert, though - it means 'famous and brilliant'. And Tony comes from Anthony, as we all know, meaning 'strong'. Robbie has got _the best _name. Famous, brilliant _and_ strong. Tom wasn't so lucky. _His_ names mean 'a twin' and 'Jehovah is gracious'. I mean, how crap is that? That's as far as I got."

"I think you'll find your sister's name means 'one who is wealthy'," said the demon.

"Well, she's that all right," said Oscar. "I mean, two million dollars on one house…"

"Look up Charlotte."

Oscar obediently did so, holding his cell phone between his shoulder and his ear, and said, "Oh. It means 'little woman'. I don't think Chita'll want to know that."

"It means 'little woman'?"

"Yes."

"So what does Charles mean?"

"Um…" Oscar found the appropriate place in the book. " 'Man'."

"Just 'man'?"

"Yes."

"Well that's stupid," said the demon. "So did they decide on a middle name for her, or don't you know?"

"No, I _do_ know," said Oscar. "Chita called and told me."

"And is it Michaela?"

"Oh, so you _were_ there, were you? Yeah, it is - she's Charlotte Michaela Wu. Okay?"

"I know what Michaela means - it means 'godlike'."

"Cool. That's way better than 'little woman'. Hey… do _you_ have a name?"

"Oh," said the demon, "_now_ you think to ask. No, actually, I don't. Gonna find me one in that book of yours, are you?"

"If I come across one that means 'annoying little gremlin thing'… Why are you back, anyway? Do you want something?"

"I worry about you, Oscar. You came all this way after being at home for less than six weeks just to see Conchita."

"You don't _need_ to worry," said Oscar. "She's my friend - I just want to see how she's getting on. And I came to see my parents, and I came to see how Robbie's coping with Jessica being on her building site all day…"

"How _is_ he coping?"

"Well, he didn't like it at first apparently, but he's doing okay now. But you could find that out for yourself, surely."

"I _could_," the demon said airily. "But I've got more important things to do."

"Yeah, right. So are you here for that would-be couple you almost told me about?"

"I might be."

"Well I'm still willing to help - all you have to do is ask. Actually, I think I might have figured out who they are."

"What?" said the demon, startled.

"Oh, look - there she is," and Oscar pushed his way gently into the crowd in an effort to get to Conchita.

"Hey, wait!" the demon called after him.

Oscar didn't wait. He knew that the demon could follow if it wanted to, and it probably would, but it would just have to wait to talk. He put his cell phone away and approached Conchita with an enthusiastic, "Hi!"

"Hi!" said Conchita, beaming at him. "I didn't expect to see you again so soon."

He stooped to kiss her on the cheek, careful not to squash the baby harnessed to her chest. Charlotte Michaela Wu was fast asleep, her head resting on her mother's milk-filled breasts and her dribble-soaked fist in her mouth.

"Wow, she's grown," said Oscar.

"Yeah, babies do that."

"Well look, I came all this way to find out how you're getting on, so I hope you're going to tell me _everything_."

"Well," said Conchita, "bringing this one here with me is working out better than I ever would have imagined. She's extremely well behaved, and I have made _so much money_!"

Oscar raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yes! Babies are _fantastic_ for business. Your sister once said to me that not everyone was going to be interested in my baby, but most people are. They all come over here to coo at Charlotte, and then they feel they have to buy something before they can leave."

"Excellent," said Oscar. "Who ever knew babies were so economically viable? You'll have to get started on the next one soon - she'll be like Tom before you know it."

"Is that a hint for me to tell you how things are going with Dennis?"

"Well," said Oscar, "no. I'd like to know, though."

"Yeah, well," Conchita said dully. "So would I."

"How d'you mean?"

"Well, he's stopped acting all jealous and suspicious of everything, but it's not like it was."

She might have been about to say more, but if she was Oscar never heard it, because Charlotte woke up at that point and made a little hiccupping noise.

"Oh, hello - you're back, are you?" crooned Conchita. "I guess you want me to turn you around, don't you? Um… Oscar, can you? She likes looking at what's going on."

Lifting Charlotte out of the harness and turning her round was a pretty easy task, though it was impossible to do it without a little bit of accidental breast-fondling. Oscar tried to distract them both from it by saying, "Tom and Robbie would have never put up with spending all day every day here."

"Yeah, I know I've been lucky with her," said Conchita.

Oscar was going to ask about Charlotte's feeding habits (Conchita had a chair nearby, presumably for when mealtimes came around) when a voice suddenly cut between them: "Oh, hey, you're back."

When Oscar turned to face the voice, he found himself looking at a dark-haired man in his twenties - or possibly his early thirties - who could only be described as ruggedly handsome. His eyes were the exact colour of milk chocolate, and Oscar was pretty sure they were focusing more on Conchita's breasts than on Charlotte, who was clearly intended to be his excuse.

"Uh, yeah," Conchita said bashfully. Oscar was faintly shocked by it all - he hadn't heard her talking like that to a member of the opposite sex since she was a teenager.

"Aww, Connie, she's beautiful!" the man gushed. "What's her name?"

"Charlotte."

"No kidding. My grandmother's name was Charlotte."

Oscar did not particularly want to listen to this, and was about to slink quietly away, when Conchita said, "Oscar, is Jess looking for builders at the moment? Because Nick's one."

Nick. That sounded familiar… and then Oscar remembered that Conchita had mentioned a Nick just before she went into labour.

"Jess is _always _looking for builders," said Oscar. Then to Nick he said, "My sister. She turns over houses. Do you have a business card?"

"Yeah, sure," said Nick, fumbling in an extraordinarily deep pocket in his ultra-faded jeans. "There you go. Tell your sister I hope to hear from her soon."

"She's married," Oscar said, by some strange instinct.

"Right," said Nick, giving him a comic look. "Well, if the guy's good to her then he's got nothing to worry about. Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"

"Nick, this is Oscar Venkman," said Conchita. "You remember I told you I knew him?"

"Oh yeah, so you did," said Nick. Then he looked at Oscar and said, "She did, but I didn't believe her. Hey, I don't suppose you wanna give me _your_ number for _my _sister? She'd love me."

"Doesn't she love you already?" Oscar said levelly.

"Not nearly enough."

"Yeah, well… I'd better go, Chita."

"Aw, really? That's a shame - I thought you might pull in some more customers."

"It sounds like Charlotte's doing that okay without me," said Oscar, touching the baby's cheek affectionately. "I'll see you again before I go home, okay?"

As he turned to go, Oscar heard a little bit of their resumed conversation.

"Can I have a cuddle?"

"W-what?"

"With Charlotte."

"Oh! Er… yeah, of course…"

Oscar made his way to a bench at the side of the street, where the orange demon happened to be waiting for him.

"I don't _believe_ this!" said Oscar.

"Cell phone," said the demon.

Reaching into his pockets, Oscar took his cell phone in one hand and Nick's business card in the other. "Nick Chapman, huh? Sleaze. He is so…"

"Handsome?" said the demon. "Charming? Obviously good with his hands?"

"So _obvious_. He was totally staring at her boobs."

"Oh, come on. If he was one of _those_ guys, he wouldn't be hitting on a woman with baggage, would he?"

"Yes he would, if he planned on dumping her as soon as he was done with her - which he _is_, probably. And she's falling for it!"

"She's not stupid," said the demon.

"Poor Dennis."

"Hey, come on. You heard Nick just now. If the guy's good to her…"

"She's better off with Dennis than with that smooth talking piece of crap."

"Hey, who's the demon here?"

"So what? _I'm_ a human being, and that makes me better qualified for this than you. I don't see why I should accept what _you_ say just because you're a demon - and anyway, I'm actually not so sure I like what you're about."

"What, choosing the right path?"

"Choice has nothing to do with it. You go about telling people who to love."

"I do not," snapped the demon. "I explained all this to you. I _encourage_ people to make the best decisions, but I don't force anything. I just step in to help people build on _existing_ feelings which they've already started off themselves - see?"

"You're making it up," said Oscar. "You're no better than Cupid."

"Cupid's a piece of shit - I can't _stand_ the guy."

"All right, let me ask you something. What's your position on soul mates?"

"Soul mates?" said the demon. "There's no such thing. Some people are good together, and some aren't, but there's no _soul mates_. I told you - it's not predestined."

"Yeah, well, _I _know of demons that are all _about_ soul mates."

"They're wrong."

"I don't see why I should take your word over theirs. How can I tell who's right?"

"Oscar, I thought you and me were getting along."

"You depress me," said Oscar. "You say not being married doesn't mean I've failed, and then you start getting at me for not settling down and having kids."

"I'm sorry," said the demon. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. You haven't failed, Oscar - not at all."

"Then why make me feel like I have?"

"I wasn't trying to do that at all. I just wondered if you were happy. Because I'd like you to be - I really would."

"Would you? Why?"

"To prove my point that not marrying doesn't constitute failure."

"Prove it to who?"

"Forces beyond your understanding," the demon said mysteriously. "And - you know - people like your mother. I mean, I can never actually walk up to her and say, 'Ha, look - you don't need to be married to be happy!' But your just _being_ there is enough. But Oscar, if not being married makes you unhappy, then you _have_ failed."

"So, what - all you need to be successful is to be happy?"

"I should say so, yes."

"Well," said Oscar, "for your information, I _am_ happy. I love my family, and I'm very happy _indeed_ with my career. _You_ only ever seem to talk about the bad old days, but I only did stupid things to cope with being famous when I was young and I had no idea what I was doing. I have been _absolutely fine_ for the past ten years."

"I'm glad you feel that way," said the demon. "Now, onto more urgent matters - how do you think you know who my current pet project is?"

"Just lateral thinking," said Oscar. "I was remembering what you said and what we did that day I drove Chita to the hospital, and a couple of things clicked into place."

"All right, so who is it?"

"I'm not telling you."

"_What_? Why the hell not?"

"Because," said Oscar, "if I'm wrong - or if _you_ think I'm wrong - you'll start being a bitch to me again. You'd probably say I'm secretly in love with her. Or him."

"Yeah? Good looking guy, is he? Nice ass? Cute smile?"

"I am _not_ telling you."

The demon sighed. "All right, fine. Are you going to do anything about it?"

"Well," said Oscar, "I might _encourage _them, should the opportunity arise. Like I say, I don't see why you should know any better than I do. _I_ think they'd be good together."

"Well," said the demon, "I won't worry. If either or both of us has been reading the signs wrong, then they won't let anything force them to - holy shit, it's Dennis!"

"What?" said Oscar. "Where?"

"Over there, walking towards Conchita's stall. He's in uniform - he should be working!"

"We're all allowed a break, aren't we? Is that Chapman guy still with her?"

"Er… yeah. And he's still having his cuddle with Charlotte."

"Oh God…"

"Oops, Dennis has spotted him. Man, is he gonna be pissed!"

"Well I don't blame him," said Oscar. "Who the hell does that Nick guy think he is, playing around with a pregnant woman?"

"She's not pregnant, Oscar - she had it, remember?"

"She was pregnant when he started hitting on her. Oh, they're sniping at each other."

"Tchuh. Neanderthals."

"Oh, be careful with Charlotte!" wailed Oscar.

"Conchita'll take her," said the demon. "There, look - she just did it."

"Dennis, stop yelling at him, she'll leave you for good…"

"Aw _man_, she's pissed."

"Nick's yelling back. I wonder what he's saying."

"Dennis is _so_ not getting any tonight."

"Don't talk about her like that," said Oscar. "She just had a baby."

"So? The six-week ban's over."

"Oh my God, he's arresting him!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"He's not, is he?" the demon cried incredulously.

"Oh, that's it, I no longer sympathise with him. That really _is_ out of line."

"She is _gone_, and she's taking the kid with her."

"Really?" Oscar said anxiously. "You don't think she'll give him another chance?"

"Who do you think it is?" asked the demon.

"What? Shut up."

"Just give me a hint."

"NO!"

…

THE END


End file.
